New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
