420 ftw
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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