i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
