Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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