he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
