textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
