I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
