He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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