Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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