yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
