I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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