he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
