My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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