She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Panties = found
Randomize
