ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
