No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
