yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
