YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
