I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
