i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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