if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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