Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
