I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
