At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
