At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
