I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize