what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize