A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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