Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
