then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
