she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
