She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
