I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
