redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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