physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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