I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
