maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
