I think I just saw someone hide a body.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
