do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
