i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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