Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
