ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
