I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
