I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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