I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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