Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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