You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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