Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
