If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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