i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
