i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
